Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Stuff

My life is reduced to what should be done. Obligations become chains as duty rules and reason takes a back seat to lies. We forget to create and are left to choose what is no choice. Someone's trimmings become our treasure. Fighting for what we never wanted, so we can claim we have it, never really knowing why we needed it, only that we need to want it. We built the walls to keep them out but find ourselves caged within.

Life

We measure life in moments. Quantity, quality, consistency. I measure most with only one. Questions of chance and possibility afloat. What it? What change? What could have been? But there only is, is. This is the life we have. The life we are. You cannot change what never was; only what hasn't come.

Primal

There is something primal about love. I had never thought it was a natural emotion. Meaning something you would see among all species. Fear, anger, elation. These seemed to all be natural. Not love. With time I believe this perception has shifted. I feel as though it is more primal than I expected. More deeply rooted. It is a root in itself. Anything can blossom from it. Fear, anger, elation. They all stem from the roots of love. They may not need love to grow but love in itself is not much of a tree. It guides our thoughts, our desires, and our dreams. It is not in itself among these things. It is almost an incomplete thought. I love... and? does that make you feel joy? Pain? Longing? All of the above? Yet, with this said it is still not something you can teach. It is something deep within us. Something we know, without being told. Every person can recall the broken heart caused by the wraith of love. Or the warmth which embraced you when you first felt its touch. It must be primal. It must be something that calls to our core. Because there is no civility with love. There is no way to tame it.

Confidence

Confidence. It is similar to the volume on your stereo. It pays no attention to the cadence. A great song can be masked by it's absence or an atrocious melody can be blared without consideration. But the right song, with the right amplification can stir the masses.

What if

I can't seem to connect my heart to my mouth. It detours through my fears and flaws. I feel it congest and clog. Well up in my chest and seep through my core. The poison around me triggers rebellion. But the cage stays. Instead of fighting monsters, I battle shame. What can I change? I see what is wrong. We all do. We feel the rush of the Hero in our veins yet wait for our queue. I want to run my mouth straight from the river of my heart and pour out my soul. Though here I wait. Asking for permission. Praying maybe the world will crave what they can not taste. Fuck your pallet. If you don't like the drink, prepare to swim. For this ocean is coming. If I can figure the secret to change what I fear. From: What if it doesn't? To: What if I cared?

Change

I have changed. I can not feel my own evolution but my angle denotes new position. I can believe the world has shifted and I've always been here, but that is the wool that caresses my eyes. We are all different and will be forever altering. What was once sweet to the taste is now bland to the pallet. I crave something more daring. It is a shame to cage a lion, impossible to tame the sea, but you are a canary content to pretend you are free.

Proud

What if there is no god? What if we must only answer to one another? Would it change the way we treat each other? If we could no longer hide behind a Man whom can not voice his opinion, would we have the courage to look each other in the eye and explain the reason behind our decisions? If god gave us all the power of will, would he be proud of how we wield it?

Small

We are so small. To believe other wise is silly. Whether 7' or 3' does not matter. It is insignificant. Yet that does not stop us. Logic can not change our hearts. It is hard not to believe in magic when you weigh the odds. In all the vastness of existence, you are there. Nothing in this universe can repeat that simple fact. You are there. Every smell, sight, touch, thought. They are yours and yours alone. Yes, we are small. But that does not keep us from feeling like giants. From knowing we are infinite. From being invincible. Yes, we are small. But we can create worlds. Change the heavens. Dream. I have learned that there is always a bigger picture. Though we may not be seen when viewed from afar. I dare the gods to stop us from trying.

Endure

My heart weighs heavy. A reminder of it's broken existence with every step. It's shards tear at my insides. My rib cage now the casing of a once valuable relic. Over worked and tired it pounds. Struggling to keep these legs strong. Strong under the pressure of such sadness. No rest. No break. For in these words lie deception. There is no end to the path untraveled. So my heavy heart utters but one line of reason. Softly spoken yet thunderous with intention. Endure.

Addiction

I hate you. You are mind altering and infuriating, deceitful and cruel. You are selfish and loathsome. You make me foolish and usurp the logic from my actions. You don't care who you effect or harm and you drive me insane. I can't clean you from my skin and though I scrub I still feel you weight pressing down, down through to my core. I know all this and yet I lie. Demand the bits I dream are good and pretend our dance heals all wounds. You have many mistresses and many names but only one that gives you strength. My Addiction.

Gems

I learned a long time ago that you can not weigh your self worth against another. When you look around, you see such diversity. Friends sharing similarities but never truly being similar. Sharp witted janitors and insensitive billionaires. Smart, dumb, fat, skinny, rich or poor it cannot allude to the rest of our repertoire. We all have our array of facets. What we must not forget is that these facets are what makes us gems.

Beautiful

What do you see when I speak of beauty? Fair skin and curvaceous roads your fingers long to travel? Or rather long views over deep wonders full of color? I think of none of these. I see opposition. I see struggle. An insatiable appetite for defiance against a single order. Succumb. When I think of beauty I think of a subtle smile through cold pain with wild fire leaping from fixed eyes. This is truly beautiful to me. For through this image of the human spirit your vistas and vixens were won, and in the pale comparisons you see rays of the one truly beautiful thing. Freedom.

See

If I could learn only one skill, I would wish it to be the ability to accurately observe. To look, and truly see. So that I could learn why not to judge. So I could my loved ones from being deceived. So that I could not deceive myself. So that I would never miss the beauty in life. But most of all, so that I could see how to teach another, and we could then finally see each other.