Wednesday, June 15, 2016
My life is reduced to what should be done. Obligations become chains as duty rules and reason takes a back seat to lies. We forget to create and are left to choose what is no choice. Someone's trimmings become our treasure. Fighting for what we never wanted, so we can claim we have it, never really knowing why we needed it, only that we need to want it. We built the walls to keep them out but find ourselves caged within.
We measure life in moments. Quantity, quality, consistency. I measure most with only one. Questions of chance and possibility afloat. What it? What change? What could have been? But there only is, is. This is the life we have. The life we are. You cannot change what never was; only what hasn't come.
There is something primal about love. I had never thought it was a natural emotion. Meaning something you would see among all species. Fear, anger, elation. These seemed to all be natural. Not love. With time I believe this perception has shifted. I feel as though it is more primal than I expected. More deeply rooted. It is a root in itself. Anything can blossom from it. Fear, anger, elation. They all stem from the roots of love. They may not need love to grow but love in itself is not much of a tree. It guides our thoughts, our desires, and our dreams. It is not in itself among these things. It is almost an incomplete thought. I love... and? does that make you feel joy? Pain? Longing? All of the above? Yet, with this said it is still not something you can teach. It is something deep within us. Something we know, without being told. Every person can recall the broken heart caused by the wraith of love. Or the warmth which embraced you when you first felt its touch. It must be primal. It must be something that calls to our core. Because there is no civility with love. There is no way to tame it.
Confidence. It is similar to the volume on your stereo. It pays no attention to the cadence. A great song can be masked by it's absence or an atrocious melody can be blared without consideration. But the right song, with the right amplification can stir the masses.
I can't seem to connect my heart to my mouth. It detours through my fears and flaws. I feel it congest and clog. Well up in my chest and seep through my core. The poison around me triggers rebellion. But the cage stays. Instead of fighting monsters, I battle shame. What can I change? I see what is wrong. We all do. We feel the rush of the Hero in our veins yet wait for our queue. I want to run my mouth straight from the river of my heart and pour out my soul. Though here I wait. Asking for permission. Praying maybe the world will crave what they can not taste. Fuck your pallet. If you don't like the drink, prepare to swim. For this ocean is coming. If I can figure the secret to change what I fear. From: What if it doesn't? To: What if I cared?
I have changed. I can not feel my own evolution but my angle denotes new position. I can believe the world has shifted and I've always been here, but that is the wool that caresses my eyes. We are all different and will be forever altering. What was once sweet to the taste is now bland to the pallet. I crave something more daring. It is a shame to cage a lion, impossible to tame the sea, but you are a canary content to pretend you are free.
What if there is no god? What if we must only answer to one another? Would it change the way we treat each other? If we could no longer hide behind a Man whom can not voice his opinion, would we have the courage to look each other in the eye and explain the reason behind our decisions? If god gave us all the power of will, would he be proud of how we wield it?